The Law of Attraction. The Secret. The secret behind The Secret. Everywhere we turn someone wants to tell us – or sell us – the way to fame, fortune and happiness. The message is similar, no matter who we listen to. The problem is that what’s behind the message, the deeper meaning of all these “Universal Laws” often gets lost. No matter whose version you believe, or even if you believe, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Positive thinking is only part of the story. It is impossible to think positive thoughts all the time, and to deny anything deemed “negative” is psychologically unhealthy. You won’t get a new car, a new spouse or a new job just by wishfully thinking you will. However, most of us have negative soundtracks that play over and over in our heads. These are the voices of people who have doubted us, told us we’d never amount to anything, told us we weren’t “good” enough. They get internalized, we believe them, we give them power over who we truly are. The trick is to tune in to these voices, catch them mid-sentence and then consciously change the thought. Some people can make a huge leap and find it believable but for many of us it takes baby steps. If you can’t go from the negative thought “No one will ever hire me because I’m not smart enough” to the positive “I’m smart and worthy of a wonderful new job”, then go to something like “My brain is elastic and I continue to learn and improve myself”. When you can say that with confidence, take another step in the “positive” direction. It doesn’t help to think a positive thought if you don’t believe it so find something that works for you.

Experiencing “negative” thoughts and feelings is human and it isn’t healthy to deny that we are having them. What we want to be able to do is accept them, learn from them and then allow them to slip away. Problems arise when we find ourselves obsessively thinking the same thought or getting stuck in a “bad” feeling. For most of us, it takes practice to be able to let go because it’s not what we’re used to doing. If, for example, you find yourself getting angry every time you drive, practice taking a few deep breaths, remember that other drivers are doing the best they can even if doesn’t seem that way to you, and then let the anger drain out of your body. The next time it happens do the same thing. Find a word or phrase that helps you and say it again and again until one day you realize that you don’t get angry anymore.

Many Law of Attraction teachers talk about releasing fear. Only the very spiritually awakened seem to be able to live without any fear. We tend to judge fear as “bad” but it can help keep us safe. It can also be incredibly limiting when we feel paralyzed by it. Try writing your fears down then take a look at them. Are there real reasons for you to be afraid? If you happen to live in an area where there is regular violent crime, it makes sense that you are afraid for your safety. Once you’ve accepted that fear, you can choose to take actions that minimize it. Many of us feel fear because we watch television news, or go see frightening movies, which is something we have complete control over. It is simple in this case to make a different choice – like reading a book or spending time in nature. Do things that help you to let go of your fears and remind you that the world is an abundant and beautiful place.

Another example of a common fear is that of a parent. It is normal for us to worry about our children but when you find yourself feeling afraid, ask yourself if there is a real reason or if your mind is simply making up scary stories. Is your child safely asleep but you’re obsessing because you just read about an abduction in the news? We let our imaginations run wild too often instead of staying present in the moment, where everything is usually just fine. When we hang on to or deny “negative” thoughts and feelings, that is when we lower our vibration and affect what we call into our lives.

Practice reframing your repetitive negative thinking with more positive, or loving, thoughts. Accept life’s challenges, learn from them, let them go and move on. Come back to the present moment when you catch yourself living in the past or the future. Be kind to yourself – you are human and all of this takes effort. The goal is not to strive for perfection, but the real and lasting joy that is within reach. You owe it to yourself to learn and grow. There is no “there”, there is only “here” and “now”. Enjoy the journey, as it is all we truly have.

Alana Sheeren is a mom, author and entrepreneur with a MA in Clinical Psychology and a passion for personal growth and conscious living. You can learn more about her here. She and her husband apply the Law of Attraction and help others do the same at real authentic success.

Tags: law of attraction, Mental Health, personal development, personal growth, positive psychology, taking action, the secret